My eyes! My eyes!!!

If you know me at all, you know I love to people watch. You can see all kinds of weirdness out there in the world! In the last two days, I have not been disappointed.
On Thursday, I'm driving home from work as usual. Nothing great about my drive home. Same ol, same ol.....that is until I see two ton Tommy. He gives new meaning to the phrase "wind blown" or "feel the wind through my hair". Let me just say this, Tommy boy looks like he's sporting a dead animal on his chest and stomach. And do you know how I know this? Because he is riding in his Jeep with nothing on but Speedos! He's pushing 50 years old, and he's PROUD of what he has. All 3oo lbs of it. I'm telling you, those Speedos looked like they were working hard. I don't know what to do or think when I see this. So I just keep driving and praying that I just blacked out for a second.
And then today at lunch, I go to a drive-thru. I pull up to the window, and I'm sure I scared the dude handing me my order. I couldn't help but jump back a little when I saw that his lips were glossed up more than mine, his skin was perfect and his eyebrows were perfectly manicured. I am a lip gloss FANATIC, and it was all I could do not to ask him what kind he had on. But I used my better judgement and decided not to even go there for fear the conversation would turn into something I really didn't need to hear.
And then this evening as I'm coming home from work once again, I had to stop at the grocery store. As I'm pulling through the parking lot, I see this girl standing outside her car. She has to be two ton Tommy's daughter Tina. She has squeezed her size 24 butt into size 12 shorts, and there is just overflow like you wouldn't believe. When I finally saw her from the front, I thought to myself "wow, they make flesh colored fanny packs now". But no, that wouldn't be a fanny pack. I'll let you digest that for a moment......
Just because you can get it on doesn't mean it fits. As we like to say in the South, you can say anything about anyone you want as long as you follow it up with "God love it" or "bless her..."
So until next time.....bless her.